The past two weeks have been a living nightmare in my life. Asking sooo many questions and desperately begging God for a word of direction, just one is all I’ve been in need of, but now is when God has been the most silent. I must admit that my mind has been going in circles day after day.
I never imagined that being such a strong Christian, I would still be attacked in even the smallest of ways. It is teaching me that we are all a work in progress and that only God gives and only he takes. Thoughts of unbelief have triggered my mind but it’s than when am brought back to 8 years ago when I had an encounter with my savior and I completely gave Jesus Christ control over my life! It is teaching me to keep my trust and hope on him even when he is the most silent! It is teaching me to be lead more and more by the spirit of God instead of my feelings and emotions which change with each passing moment!
Here are some late night ponderings from my heart:
Where is Jesus in all this clutter? How can I hear Him amidst the constant noise? Even as I have been desperately trying to steady my gaze on Jesus, I still feel so scatter-brained when all I want to do is focus all my attention on God and what He wants to say to me. It becomes very easy to replace our actual relationship with our Father with the ins and outs of this world...relying on what we know and how we're gifted to get us through each day instead of drawing from the deep well of the presence of the Lord offered to us with each new day, hand in hand with brand new mercies. Often times I feel like my heart is buried under so much clutter with task lists, deadlines and events coming out of my ears.. But every day I neglect to quiet my heart and listen for His voice in the stillness, I have robbed myself of the greatest opportunity...far beyond what I could ever accomplish through, networking, web surfing, e-mails or phone calls...the opportunity to sit at the feet of Jesus and be completely honest, completely understood, completely loved. I am learning and will continue to learn throughout my life that my tank empties quickly, very quickly and after a few days of running around on auto-pilot, all I have left are fumes, burning fumes. Who needs fumes? Not me. Not the person next to me, not u!
I want to know what it means to walk by the Spirit at all times, and the only way I can operate in the Spirit and not my flesh is to find out what pleases Him, to find myself drawing from His presence every day. Lord, help me. To really know Him, not just know about Him. To have a sense of what He is doing all around me now, not relying on past experiences or encounters to get me by. They are now stale. Worthless. Ugly, Smelly.
What is most important? What is the thing that lasts, that cannot be taken from us? Mary knew. She sat at the feet of Jesus and hung on His every word. How she loved Him. Not because of what He could do for her or the miracles He could work in her life. No, she loved Him because He was life to her. Just being where He was was enough. Is that so for me? Am I content to sit quietly before the Lord for however long, asking nothing of Him but that He would make Himself known and come a little closer? Or is He just a means to an end for my life or my career or my relationships or my momentary pleasures. God forbid. He is everything. And in a world that seems to often be spinning out of control with busyness and expectations and daily struggles, He is still here, calling and waiting, extending an invitation for us to come, and simply be where He is. In the presence of Almighty God.
In the presence of Jehovah
God Almighty, Prince of Peace
Troubles vanish, hearts are mended
In the presence of the King nothing is too hard.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
I love this quote!
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. ~~Marianne Williamson
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Best things in life..
God.
Love.
Knowing that you can run to Jesus Christ whenever you want for anything and he wont tell.
Faith.
First Boyfriend. :))
Working Out.
Worship.
True Friends.
Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.
Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.
First kiss. :))
Making new friends and spending time with the old ones.
Singing in the bathroom.
Sweet dreams.
Healthy food.
Family.
Seeing yourself like God sees you.
Hot chocolate.
Making brownies and Icecream.
The Bible.
Holding hands with someone you care about.
Watching a sunset.
Sleeping in.
Taking long, hot showers.
Starbucks.
Knowing that somebody misses you.
Knowing that all can be solved in the presence of God!
Hearing the words "I Love You" from the ones you love.
Forgiving.
Naps.
Cookies.
Giving.
Lending and burrowing with total peace.
Giving without expecting.
Physically healthy & well.
Energy.
Happiness.
Love.
Knowing that you can run to Jesus Christ whenever you want for anything and he wont tell.
Faith.
First Boyfriend. :))
Working Out.
Worship.
True Friends.
Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.
Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.
First kiss. :))
Making new friends and spending time with the old ones.
Singing in the bathroom.
Sweet dreams.
Healthy food.
Family.
Seeing yourself like God sees you.
Hot chocolate.
Making brownies and Icecream.
The Bible.
Holding hands with someone you care about.
Watching a sunset.
Sleeping in.
Taking long, hot showers.
Starbucks.
Knowing that somebody misses you.
Knowing that all can be solved in the presence of God!
Hearing the words "I Love You" from the ones you love.
Forgiving.
Naps.
Cookies.
Giving.
Lending and burrowing with total peace.
Giving without expecting.
Physically healthy & well.
Energy.
Happiness.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Discouraged No More
Discouragement is a very real thing. It is no respecter of persons. I'll even go out on a limb and say that we all, at some point or another, have been discouraged. These feelings of dread and defeat generally sneak up behind and take hold of us in our most vulnerable state and don't tend to let go without a fight. This battle takes place in our minds, and the thoughts we allow ourselves to dwell on will either serve as fiery darts or a fire hydrant to the wildfire of discouragement ablaze in our hearts.
Here's what I mean. Discouragement is most often triggered by a news flash that something has gone awry or nothing is working out as planned. During these unpleasant doses of reality, our world often seems to come to a standstill and our initial knee-jerk reaction is to throw up our hands and give up. Throw in the towel. Call it quits. Run away. Far away. Can I be honest with you? I have felt like that so many times. Sometimes things just don't come out the way we so hopefully envisioned them, and when they don't, discouragement sets in and the doubt begins to rear its ugly head. “why is school going so slow, why do I feel like I’ve been at a red stop for more than the required time, why am I sill stuck in the same job for over 1 year and have no promotion, why is my life such a routine, why do I feel like am not getting in better shape or loosing any weight and I’ve been working my behind off (trust me this is a big one for many especially for us girls), why are my relationships not improving, Does God really care about me? Why am I not being used by God? Am I even worth anything to Him? God says He loves me, but how can I believe it when everything I know is crumbling around me? Where in the world is He? Why am I still stuck in the same hole I was in last week? why why why? “Yep, been there. And I want to tell you it's a very real place. But you don't have to stay there. You don't have to be defeated. Life is hard, that's for sure, but we must resolve to look beyond everything our circumstances are screaming at us and be still before the God who created us and loves us through it all. How do we do that? We focus our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith. He was sovereign and loving enough to call us to Himself and set us on the journey of a lifetime, and He will be faithful to complete the good work in us, rest assured.
If you find yourself in that dark place of discouragement, Beloved, I beg you. Do not give into the lies. Do not entertain thoughts that are untrue. Choose to believe the cold hard facts that are found in God's Word—AKA as the bible and dwell on His life-giving promises. Read through the Psalms of David and notice how he cried out to God in the bleakest of situations and do the same. Pour out your heart before Him. He wants to hear from you, even if all you have to offer are tears and questions. Ask the Lord to help you focus your eyes on Him instead of the ever shifting circumstances. May we train ourselves to constantly meditate on the excellent and praiseworthy things that Paul referred to in Philippians 4:8, no matter how dark the night may be.. Let us trust the Lord at all times, for He is good. One of my favorite passages of Scripture is found in 2 Corinthians 4:16-18.
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
My pastor’s wife (Elizabeth Fountain) once told me that we are eternal beings. I don’t know why but it hit me like a thousand bricks coming my way, it made all the sense in the world. Offcourse, if we live as for eternity instead of the 60s Or 80 Years we have on earth than perhaps we would worry less about our problems, our current circumstances, our physical appearance, about what others think about us and worry more about what God thinks about us. Since at the end that’s all that will really matter!
Here's what I mean. Discouragement is most often triggered by a news flash that something has gone awry or nothing is working out as planned. During these unpleasant doses of reality, our world often seems to come to a standstill and our initial knee-jerk reaction is to throw up our hands and give up. Throw in the towel. Call it quits. Run away. Far away. Can I be honest with you? I have felt like that so many times. Sometimes things just don't come out the way we so hopefully envisioned them, and when they don't, discouragement sets in and the doubt begins to rear its ugly head. “why is school going so slow, why do I feel like I’ve been at a red stop for more than the required time, why am I sill stuck in the same job for over 1 year and have no promotion, why is my life such a routine, why do I feel like am not getting in better shape or loosing any weight and I’ve been working my behind off (trust me this is a big one for many especially for us girls), why are my relationships not improving, Does God really care about me? Why am I not being used by God? Am I even worth anything to Him? God says He loves me, but how can I believe it when everything I know is crumbling around me? Where in the world is He? Why am I still stuck in the same hole I was in last week? why why why? “Yep, been there. And I want to tell you it's a very real place. But you don't have to stay there. You don't have to be defeated. Life is hard, that's for sure, but we must resolve to look beyond everything our circumstances are screaming at us and be still before the God who created us and loves us through it all. How do we do that? We focus our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith. He was sovereign and loving enough to call us to Himself and set us on the journey of a lifetime, and He will be faithful to complete the good work in us, rest assured.
If you find yourself in that dark place of discouragement, Beloved, I beg you. Do not give into the lies. Do not entertain thoughts that are untrue. Choose to believe the cold hard facts that are found in God's Word—AKA as the bible and dwell on His life-giving promises. Read through the Psalms of David and notice how he cried out to God in the bleakest of situations and do the same. Pour out your heart before Him. He wants to hear from you, even if all you have to offer are tears and questions. Ask the Lord to help you focus your eyes on Him instead of the ever shifting circumstances. May we train ourselves to constantly meditate on the excellent and praiseworthy things that Paul referred to in Philippians 4:8, no matter how dark the night may be.. Let us trust the Lord at all times, for He is good. One of my favorite passages of Scripture is found in 2 Corinthians 4:16-18.
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
My pastor’s wife (Elizabeth Fountain) once told me that we are eternal beings. I don’t know why but it hit me like a thousand bricks coming my way, it made all the sense in the world. Offcourse, if we live as for eternity instead of the 60s Or 80 Years we have on earth than perhaps we would worry less about our problems, our current circumstances, our physical appearance, about what others think about us and worry more about what God thinks about us. Since at the end that’s all that will really matter!
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Ready, Set, LIVE.
Today is my 23rd birthday. Exactly a year ago today, I distinctly remember waking up in my bedroom, and no sooner had I opened my eyes I sensed the Lord saying something to me. Yes, Lord? "This is the Year." That was all I got. Was my mind playing tricks on me? No, it was too early in the morning for my brain to conjure up a complete sentence, much less one that had to do with the days ahead. The Spirit was speaking, ever so gently. And with His whisper, my mind began to wander to the endless possibilities of all that statement could entail. When I inquired to know more, it was like I just knew that God was about to reveal the answers to so many questions I had asked for most of my young adult life and to shed light on a path that I never could have found the strength to walk down on my own. And all this occurred before I had even gotten out of bed.
And what a year it was! A year of opportunity. A year of decisions. A year of relationships, old and new. 2009/22 brought me into a new season of which was very hard to adapt. Many blessings and many lessons learned. Good and bad. Many times I found myself wanting to be heard by anyone!? Anyone!? Wanting to scream, cry and laugh all at the same time, I felt confused, I felt lost. Many times I felt like a complete stranger walking down the streets of South Beach where tourist flourish all around and where people seem to be on permanent vacations. I found myself pondering on why I felt sooo different so inadequate. I wondered if I was making it a big deal or if I was just being ungrateful. I have family, great friends, an awesome fiancé and a very close God who I can talk to at anytime, I knew I wasn’t alone but I felt alone. I searched deep within my soul and I came to a realization that it wasn’t loneliness but fear that had penetrated deep within my soul, it was fear of the unknown, fear of change, fear of rejection in a place where I didn’t fit in.
This morning as I awoke, I was immediately brought back to January 19, 2009, that fateful morning when God dropped something into my spirit that would bare fruit in the coming days and cause me to live my life in a constant state of expectation and wonder over all that the Lord was so sovereignly accomplishing in my life. But I must say, as I sat on the edge of my bed and turned over all the events of my 22-year-old life, I was at a loss. I felt as if it was yesterday that I turned 22, that I started attending a new church, moved to a new house, switched cell phone numbers more than once, loss communication with old friends, made new friends, reestablished my relationship with my physical dad of which I am ever sooo grateful to God, got engaged, switched jobs, became jobless and found a new set of dreams to pursue after, all in the same year.
Maybe it's the constant reminder I see on television and magazines ads and storefront windows that youth is something to be coveted but, in reality, can never be held on to for very long. It is fleeting. Our very lives are slipping through our fingers. Or maybe I'm at a turning point, the question looming overhead, "where do we go from here?" After a year of such blessings and change, now what? I haven't a clue. Truth be told, I wanted to be awakened ever so sweetly by the same prompting, a promise I could cling to for the coming year, something...ANYTHING.
But I know my God and I will trust Him even when He is silent. I know the way He cares for His children, the way He cares for me. I know His faithfulness and the ways that He has proven it over and over in my life. I know His mercies, how they wash over me with each new day. I know that what He says is truest of true, and I can stake my very life on the foundation of His Word. Thank You, Jesus. Each new day is full of the richest promises. Promises that cannot be broken. Promises spoken from the Father's heart to ours. Praise Jesus Christ!
So bring it on, 23. I am not afraid to be surrounded by uncertainty anymore. It only increases my faith. I am not afraid to be another year older. Each day is a gift. I aspire to walk by the Spirit at all times, loving and living and giving and serving with every fiber of my being, every minute, every single day, knowing that each day is only moving me closer to the Day of all days, when I will finally see His face. But there's no time to waste, our time here is limited. Ready, set, LIVE.
And what a year it was! A year of opportunity. A year of decisions. A year of relationships, old and new. 2009/22 brought me into a new season of which was very hard to adapt. Many blessings and many lessons learned. Good and bad. Many times I found myself wanting to be heard by anyone!? Anyone!? Wanting to scream, cry and laugh all at the same time, I felt confused, I felt lost. Many times I felt like a complete stranger walking down the streets of South Beach where tourist flourish all around and where people seem to be on permanent vacations. I found myself pondering on why I felt sooo different so inadequate. I wondered if I was making it a big deal or if I was just being ungrateful. I have family, great friends, an awesome fiancé and a very close God who I can talk to at anytime, I knew I wasn’t alone but I felt alone. I searched deep within my soul and I came to a realization that it wasn’t loneliness but fear that had penetrated deep within my soul, it was fear of the unknown, fear of change, fear of rejection in a place where I didn’t fit in.
This morning as I awoke, I was immediately brought back to January 19, 2009, that fateful morning when God dropped something into my spirit that would bare fruit in the coming days and cause me to live my life in a constant state of expectation and wonder over all that the Lord was so sovereignly accomplishing in my life. But I must say, as I sat on the edge of my bed and turned over all the events of my 22-year-old life, I was at a loss. I felt as if it was yesterday that I turned 22, that I started attending a new church, moved to a new house, switched cell phone numbers more than once, loss communication with old friends, made new friends, reestablished my relationship with my physical dad of which I am ever sooo grateful to God, got engaged, switched jobs, became jobless and found a new set of dreams to pursue after, all in the same year.
Maybe it's the constant reminder I see on television and magazines ads and storefront windows that youth is something to be coveted but, in reality, can never be held on to for very long. It is fleeting. Our very lives are slipping through our fingers. Or maybe I'm at a turning point, the question looming overhead, "where do we go from here?" After a year of such blessings and change, now what? I haven't a clue. Truth be told, I wanted to be awakened ever so sweetly by the same prompting, a promise I could cling to for the coming year, something...ANYTHING.
But I know my God and I will trust Him even when He is silent. I know the way He cares for His children, the way He cares for me. I know His faithfulness and the ways that He has proven it over and over in my life. I know His mercies, how they wash over me with each new day. I know that what He says is truest of true, and I can stake my very life on the foundation of His Word. Thank You, Jesus. Each new day is full of the richest promises. Promises that cannot be broken. Promises spoken from the Father's heart to ours. Praise Jesus Christ!
So bring it on, 23. I am not afraid to be surrounded by uncertainty anymore. It only increases my faith. I am not afraid to be another year older. Each day is a gift. I aspire to walk by the Spirit at all times, loving and living and giving and serving with every fiber of my being, every minute, every single day, knowing that each day is only moving me closer to the Day of all days, when I will finally see His face. But there's no time to waste, our time here is limited. Ready, set, LIVE.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Here we go...
Well, it's official. I have now joined millions of others in the adventurous world of blogging. And I know you're thrilled. ;) I'm pretty excited to say the least. Now I know maybe I should by anytime. You and your mom and your friends offcourse. Anytime. Ok?! Ok. You see, I don't claim to have anything super genius and definitely not any revelation that would change your life automatically or in the blink of an eye, but hopefully something that can help you improve your life..perhaps a more profound relationship with God.. I'm just a girl typing on her PC who has sooo much to say and would love to just blurt it out to the world, asking you to read me.. the blog, that is. Since I think more than i breath hopefully i can keep up with this mind of mine which sometimes drives me crazy.. Some will be completely silly, others more serious and others more in depth and will come straight from my heart. The single aspect I'm most jazzed about is the fact that you can respond to my ramblings. We can interact, give a little introduction as the initial blogspot blog, but let me just say you're welcome to stop and hang out a bit. Just living life together, sharing the good and the bad, gleaning from one anothers' experiences which am learning more and more each day, TO LEARN FROM OTHERS EXPERIENCES ESPECIALLY MY ELDERS..! So that's it in a nutshell.haha. Now I'm gonna run out and go for a run! kisses..
More to come on that...
More to come on that...
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