Becoming Like Mary

The past two weeks have been a living nightmare in my life. Asking sooo many questions and desperately begging God for a word of direction, just one is all I’ve been in need of, but now is when God has been the most silent. I must admit that my mind has been going in circles day after day.

I never imagined that being such a strong Christian, I would still be attacked in even the smallest of ways. It is teaching me that we are all a work in progress and that only God gives and only he takes. Thoughts of unbelief have triggered my mind but it’s than when am brought back to 8 years ago when I had an encounter with my savior and I completely gave Jesus Christ control over my life! It is teaching me to keep my trust and hope on him even when he is the most silent! It is teaching me to be lead more and more by the spirit of God instead of my feelings and emotions which change with each passing moment!

Here are some late night ponderings from my heart:

Where is Jesus in all this clutter? How can I hear Him amidst the constant noise? Even as I have been desperately trying to steady my gaze on Jesus, I still feel so scatter-brained when all I want to do is focus all my attention on God and what He wants to say to me. It becomes very easy to replace our actual relationship with our Father with the ins and outs of this world...relying on what we know and how we're gifted to get us through each day instead of drawing from the deep well of the presence of the Lord offered to us with each new day, hand in hand with brand new mercies. Often times I feel like my heart is buried under so much clutter with task lists, deadlines and events coming out of my ears.. But every day I neglect to quiet my heart and listen for His voice in the stillness, I have robbed myself of the greatest opportunity...far beyond what I could ever accomplish through, networking, web surfing, e-mails or phone calls...the opportunity to sit at the feet of Jesus and be completely honest, completely understood, completely loved. I am learning and will continue to learn throughout my life that my tank empties quickly, very quickly and after a few days of running around on auto-pilot, all I have left are fumes, burning fumes. Who needs fumes? Not me. Not the person next to me, not u!

I want to know what it means to walk by the Spirit at all times, and the only way I can operate in the Spirit and not my flesh is to find out what pleases Him, to find myself drawing from His presence every day. Lord, help me. To really know Him, not just know about Him. To have a sense of what He is doing all around me now, not relying on past experiences or encounters to get me by. They are now stale. Worthless. Ugly, Smelly.

What is most important? What is the thing that lasts, that cannot be taken from us? Mary knew. She sat at the feet of Jesus and hung on His every word. How she loved Him. Not because of what He could do for her or the miracles He could work in her life. No, she loved Him because He was life to her. Just being where He was was enough. Is that so for me? Am I content to sit quietly before the Lord for however long, asking nothing of Him but that He would make Himself known and come a little closer? Or is He just a means to an end for my life or my career or my relationships or my momentary pleasures. God forbid. He is everything. And in a world that seems to often be spinning out of control with busyness and expectations and daily struggles, He is still here, calling and waiting, extending an invitation for us to come, and simply be where He is. In the presence of Almighty God.

In the presence of Jehovah
God Almighty, Prince of Peace
Troubles vanish, hearts are mended
In the presence of the King nothing is too hard.